


Beloved

by crazyjane



Series: SpookyVIXX October 2020 [5]
Category: VIXX
Genre: Captivity, Falling In Love, M/M, Monsters, Sacrifice, SpookyVIXX October
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:27:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26867371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazyjane/pseuds/crazyjane
Summary: ‘You’ll be dealing with all the subjects in this block, but this one is to be your primary responsibility. You’ll feed it, keep its wounds clean - they won’t heal, but you need to make sure it doesn’t get an infection. Monitor its vitals closely, and if you need help to cover your other duties, ask. This is your priority. It’s very valuable, so no slip-ups, understand?’A mutant. A genetic aberration. A cursed being. Not human ... but then it raised its head, and Jaehwan founding himself looking at a perfect face, saw large, dark eyes filled with pain and cracked lips shaped like a plump cupid’s bow, and thought,he’s beautiful.
Relationships: Lee Hongbin/Lee Jaehwan | Ken
Series: SpookyVIXX October 2020 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1955065
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So there will be another chapter for this, but I wanted to get something out today for SpookyVIXX October (and I'm so excited to see how many wonderful stories are coming out for this challenge).
> 
> prompts: monster + 'Take more of me.'

_Now_

On the outside, everything was the same. Jaehwan flashed his ID and was waved through, the guard on duty not bothering with more than a cursory glance away from the movie playing on his tablet. He walked down white corridors, turning corners without thought, hung up his coat, and put his shoes, phone, and watch into the locker, muscle memory punching the combination. Shrugging into the white coveralls, he bent to tie the heavy shoes, then picked up the clipboard, tucked it under his arm, and went to the door. Eyes widened automatically for the scan, hand flattened on the sensor pad, the collar around his neck chilled unpleasantly, and his mouth opened to let the incantation sunk deep into his brain tumble out.

There was a click. Jaehwan reached out to touch the smooth metal and gave it a gentle push. Perfectly weighted, it swung open to reveal a stairway. Everything beyond that was dark. Jaehwan stepped across the threshold, and the door closed behind him, cutting off the bright, clean, _orderly_ world. He took a deep breath, walked forward, and descended into horror.

Down here there were no humming machines, no white lights. Here the locks were iron, and dataflow gave way to magic. At each barrier a freezing pulse from the collar, a mumbled spell, a different key, and the doors moved slowly, as though begrudging the necessity of letting him pass. Here there were no crisp voices, only screams, groans, pleas that coiled and writhed in the damp air, looking for a way out. Just like always. Every day, everything the same.

But not today.

Today every muscle thrummed with anxiety. Today his mouth was dry, his hands shook, his jaw clenched painfully tight so that his face would give nothing away. The clipboard was tossed aside, the cart containing the portioned-out food, medications, and protective equipment ignored. Jaehwan moved quickly down the row of cells. He tried not to see the outstretched hands, not to hear them calling his name. It ached, but he knew he wouldn’t have long. Fumbling with the keys, cursing under his breath, until he found the right one; he shoved open the barred door, stepped inside without hesitation, crouched down by the figure lying on his side, curled in on himself, and gently touched his shoulder. The man stirred, opened dull brown eyes that stared blankly for a moment through a tangled mess of black hair and feathers..

‘Hongbin,’ said Jaehwan softly. The eyes blinked, shifted, focused on him. Jaehwan slid down the zipper of his coverall, reached in and tugged, and drew back his fist. A chain dangled from it. Jaehwan opened his hand, revealing a carved wooden pendant. As though dragged downwards, Hongbin’s gaze fell on it, and he drew in an unsteady breath. ‘Is it enough?’ asked Jaehwan anxiously. ‘Can you use it?’ Hongbin nodded. ‘Then …’ Jaehwan caught Hongbin by the hand, pressed the pendant into it. ‘Go. Go now, while there’s still time.’

*****

_Then_

Jaehwan pulled at the collar, wincing as the coarse surface of the iron cut into his skin. ‘I wouldn’t do that,’ said the Keeper, walking beside him, but Jaehwan paid no attention. He yanked again - then jerked hands suddenly burning with ice-bite away with a cry of pain. ‘I did warn you,’ said the man mildly. There was a hint of amusement in his voice. ‘You’ll get used to it. Now …’ His tone changed, became brisk, as they stopped outside a cell labelled 459. ‘You’ll be dealing with all the subjects in this block, but this one is to be your primary responsibility. You’ll feed it, keep its wounds clean - they won’t heal, but you need to make sure it doesn’t get an infection. Monitor its vitals closely, and if you need help to cover your other duties, ask. This is your priority. It’s very valuable, so no slip-ups, understand?’ 

The Keeper unlocked the cage and gave Jaehwan a push. ‘Go on, it can’t hurt you. It’s bound. We’ve taken the source of its power, and as long as you keep to a few simple rules you’ll be fine. Always use gloves - always, no exceptions. And no plant matter of any kind. Nothing it could draw from. Understand?’ Without waiting for an answer, he shoved again, sending Jaehwan stumbling into the cell, and pulled the door closed behind him. ‘ I’ll do the others today while you familiarise yourself. Use your key to get back out.’ He walked away.

Shaking so hard he could barely walk, Jaehwan moved cautiously around the cell. ‘There’s nothing here,’ he whispered to himself, ‘there’s …’ And then he saw it. Crammed into the corner, hunched in on itself, half-naked and trembling from the cold. A man. _Not a man_ , he reminded himself instantly, _a mutant. A genetic aberration. A cursed being. Not human._ As he got closer, he saw black feathers tangled up with the matted hair that fell past its shoulders, and what looked like a line of soft down the same colour dusted along its arms. Two long, jagged wounds raked down its back from which a thick bluish-silver fluid spilled.

That settled him somewhat - but then it raised its head, and Jaehwan founding himself looking at a perfect face, saw large, dark eyes filled with pain and cracked lips shaped like a plump cupid’s bow, and thought, _he’s beautiful_.

*****

_Now_

For a terrible moment, Jaehwan thought Hongbin couldn’t move; then, a grimace of pain crossing his face, he pushed himself to his feet. Jaehwan caught him around the waist as he staggered. ‘I left it too long,’ he berated himself, ‘I should have come sooner, I’m sorry, I …’ He voice died away as Hongbin laid a finger against his mouth. Jaehwan could feel how it trembled, but the skin was warm, and so soft, and sent a wave coursing through his body that somehow both relaxed him and made his heart race. 

Hongbin dropped his hand to Jaehwan’s collar. The metal throbbed, and Jaehwan hissed at the sudden heat. ‘What are you …’ Then Hongbin held the pendant against the collar, and breathed out a string of sibilant noises. Jaehwan sobbed as the heat spiked unbearably, _burns, it burns, I’m burning up_ \- and then Hongbin let out a guttural cry and wrenched the iron apart, flinging the pieces away to the far corners of the cell.

‘I’m …’ Jaehwan touched his neck, bare at last, curiously cold without the awful constriction that had become so much a part of him. ‘I’m … free?’ He looked up, and yelped in alarm as Hongbin collapsed against him. Quickly, he grabbed him, lowering them both to their knees. ‘What did you do that for?’ he cried. ‘You were supposed to escape! You shouldn’t have done that.’ Hongbin’s smile was sweet, and content, but Jaehwan shook his head frantically. ‘I didn’t want this, I wanted you to be free!’ He grabbed Hongbin by the wrist. ‘Do it again! Help yourself!’ Hongbin opened his hand and showed Jaehwan the blistered flesh, the pendant half-crumbled into dust. ‘I don’t care! You can do it - you have to! Please, Hongbin, please, _please_!’ A thought struck him. ‘Can you … can I help? Can you use me?’ Hongbin reared back, but Jaehwan caught a flash of something. Hope? ‘Do it,’ he begged. ‘I want you to.’

His face filled with anguish, Hongbin reached out to touch the hollow of Jaehwan’s throat, and raised the pendant. 

Jaehwan _shrieked_.

*****

_Then_

‘I’m so sorry,’ said Jaehwan as he dabbed at the wounds. ‘I wish I could do this without hurting you.’ The creature - the _man_ \- flinched and shuddered, but made no sound. He never did. Over the days, though, Jaehwan had learned there were different qualities to his silence, and knew how much pain he was causing his charge. As careful as he tried to be, he had to be thorough, so there was no way to avoid hurting him. As true as it was, there was no comfort in that thought. 

Finally finished, he sat back. The man shifted around on the floor to face him, the feathered hair falling across his eyes. Not stopping to think about it, Jaehwan lifted a hand to brush the mass to one side. The man stiffened, but didn’t pull away. Encouraged, Jaehwan moved closer, and started to gently tease the strands apart. The latex of his gloves slipped and caught, making him purse his lips in frustration, but he persevered. ‘I’ll bring a brush next time,’ he muttered as he worked, ‘maybe something to help get rid of these tangles. There’s no reason to make you put up with this, the least I can do is get it out of your eyes.’

By the time he’d finished, his arms were aching, but as he tucked the last lock of hair behind the man’s ear, he thought he could see gratitude. Fully revealed, the man’s face was even more breathtaking, even more _human_. As he did more and more often these days, Jaehwan wondered, how could this be an aberration? The man was nothing like the others in the cells he visited each day. They were warped by magic or faulty genetic code, bestial sometimes, all appetite and instinct. When Jaehwan looked into 459’s eyes, though … ‘That’s not right,’ he said suddenly. The man’s brows creased. ‘I can’t just keep calling you a number. I’m sure you have a name … I wish I knew what it was. Can I … would you let me give you another name?’ Slowly the man nodded. ‘I want to call you Hongbin. It was …’ Jaehwan stopped, and gulped. ‘It’s special to me. So, uh, if it’s all right …’ Hongbin tilted his head to one side, his eyes never leaving Jaehwan’s face. Then he _smiled_ , and Jaehwan’s heart lifted. 

He carried that smile with him, all the way back out into the evening gloom and his empty house, and never noticed the tiny tear in the gloves he stripped from his hands and threw into the disposal.

*****

_Now_

Arms around him. His body pressed against warmth. A heart beating by his ear, strong, soothing.Jaehwan stirred. Everything ached, so _tired_. Cool air on his face, scent of pine trees and lavender, _what_ ...

Outside. He was outside, in the _daytime_ , he wasn’t supposed to be … He swallowed, expecting it to be a struggle as it always was - but his throat moved freely. _My collar_ , he thought sluggishly, and then it came back to him. _I’m free_. And on the heels of that - _Hongbin_. He forced his eyes open, narrowing them immediately against the sunlight. There was a soft chuckle, and then someone said, ‘It is all right. I have you, beloved.’

He knew that voice. Deep, melodic, stealing into his sleep every night, murmuring to him. And the arms that curved around his body - he knew those, too, knew the hands that gripped him and held him close as he was carried. ‘Real,’ he whispered. ‘It _was_ real, it was you.’

‘Yes.’ Hongbin started to walk again, bearing Jaehwan’s weight effortlessly.

‘Why am I so sleepy?’

He felt, rather than heard, Hongbin’s sigh. ‘You gave of yourself to free me. I nearly killed you.’ His voice dropped to a whisper. ‘I was afraid I had. I am sorry.’

‘Don’t be,’ said Jaehwan. ‘I’m glad I did it.I would do it again.’ _I would do anything for you._ Hongbin’s arms tightened, but he made no reply, only increased his pace. ‘Where … where are we going?’

‘Somewhere safe,’ said Hongbin. ‘Somewhere they will never find you. Rest now, we will be there soon.’

Jaehwan’s eyes began to slip closed. ‘I love you …’

‘I know, beloved. I know.’ 

_Why does he sound so sad_ , Jaehwan thought. He opened his mouth to ask, and sleep claimed him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaehwan's breath hitched. _They said Hongbin was a traitor, but he wasn’t, he was brave, and good …_
> 
> ...
> 
> _And you gave me his name. ___
> 
> ____
> 
> __\---_ _
> 
> 'You rescued me,' said Jaehwan thickly.
> 
> ____
> 
> 'I will not leave you, beloved. I cherish you.'
> 
> ____

_Then_

Hongbin’s laughter had been one of the best sounds in the world. Even tinged with bitterness, it was something Jaehwan craved. It got him through the long days of drudgery working side by side in the lab, monitoring cultures and preparing slides. In the evenings, they’d watched old cartoons and bad comedies to wind down, and that laughter was the sound that soothed Jaehwan to sleep. And then they’d transferred Hongbin to sample preparation, and there were no more shared movie nights, just Jaehwan staring at one screen while Hongbin stared at another, typing furiously, recklessly shouting at anonymous usernames his outrage about what he was being forced to do. When Jaehwan asked him, begged him to share what was wrong, he was met with an increasingly brittle smile and muttered excuses about stress. _What aren’t you telling me_ , Jaehwan wanted to shout, but the words never left his mouth. He’d heard too many rumours about the faceless white building where they both worked, terrible things that he didn’t think he could bear to find out were true. And so he said nothing, and listened to Hongbin pacing at night in his room, and heard his laughter fade into brooded, haunting silence. 

_Tell me._

The voice was soft, and deep, felt like velvet stroking over his skin. Jaehwan turned over in his sleep. _Hongbin. He’s my best friend, he was ... everything to me_. So much more than friend, not that Jaehwan ever let on that what he felt for his flatmate was far more than friendship. There’s always been a reason not to say anything. FIrst it was too soon, then it was because they were both too tired after work. After Hongbin’s transfer, Jaehwan told himself it would be unfair to lay that kind of burden on his friend. In truth, though, he’d just been too scared that a confession would ruin everything. And then it was too late. 

His breath hitched. _They said he was a traitor, but he wasn’t, he was brave, and good …_

_What happened?_

_I don’t want to, don’t make me …_ but already he was remembering. The sound of his door opening, aware of Hongbin crouching down by his bed. Fingertips just brushing his cheek, something muttered, too soft to hear. Footsteps walking away in the dark. Then … shouts, blows, light so harsh it stabbed into his sleepy eyes. Dragged across rough ground, starburst of pain in his head, and when he could focus again, he could hear Hongbin. No laughter now, just broken, hoarse screams. And he was back there, huddled on the floor of a white office while hard-faced men stood over him; sobbing, eyes squeezed tightly shut, hands jammed against his ears, ashamed of himself for not being able to bear Hongbin’s suffering. Even after they stopped, for weeks after, he’d been able to hear it. _They killed him. But not right away, first they …_

_They harvested him._

He’d seen that word on the paperwork that accompanied the samples, delivered by silent, collared workers from below. It hadn’t meant much then, just like he’d paid no attention to the people who held the clipboards while he signed them. They were indentured, criminals of some kind serving out their sentences doing menial labour, and he spared no thought for them. They just brought him the harvest. Such a clean, clinical word, and he’d gone along with it all without giving much thought at all. Until sentence was pronounced on Hongbin, and they’d dragged him from Jaehwan’s arms, and showed what it really meant - torture and butchery. 

They couldn’t make him watch, but he’d heard everything.

_And you gave me his name._

_Please_ , Jaehwan begged, tears escaping from under his closed eyelids. _Please let me wake up, I don’t want to remember this._

_Let me take it away from you._

The memory began to recede, leaving Jaehwan suspended, neither sleeping nor waking, unable to see anything but shapeless, eddying mist. He was warm, so warm, safe, in a way he hadn’t been for so long, not since he’d heard Hongbin die and felt the weight of an iron collar press against his throat. _Thank you. Thank you, I’m sorry I couldn’t stay there, thank you._

_It is all right, beloved. I have you._

The endearment felt like a caress. A hand drifted down his back to settle just at the base of his spine. Another cupped his face, tracing his mouth. Jaehwan sighed, and stretched, aware that there were blankets around him, but the warmth he felt was not fabric, but skin on skin. No one ever touched him anymore; the collar marked him as outcast, the sight of it warding off others. They’d go out of their way to avoid even the most fleeting, accidental contact. He didn’t blame them; he knew what he did made him unworthy. Unclean. Condemned and tainted by the monsters he helped keep alive so that they could be experimented on, so that perhaps there might be a cure for whatever it was that took human DNA and twisted and warped people into creatures out of nightmare. A cure for everyone. He understood it - but still, he longed to be held. Hongbin had indulged him sometimes, always rollings his eyes and sighing like it was a terrible imposition, but there’d never been any real exasperation behind it. Jaehwan had loved the feeling of those arms around him, but Hongbin was …

_Do not think, beloved. Simply feel._

The hands grew bolder, more intimate, exploring him. The warmth grew, began to coil low in his stomach. Jaehwan’s breathing quickened, became a gasp as the fingers stroked up his thighs, just skirting his growing hardness. He heard a quiet, pleased laugh, felt soft lips brush against his own, gone before he could kiss back, and he whimpered at the loss.

_You are beautiful._

He wasn’t, he knew that. His hands shook, and his eyes were red and exhausted, and the half-life he lived clung to him like a shroud and blotted out any light he might once have held. But the hands that touched him and the voice that murmured praises into his mind told a different story. They told him he was desirable, wonderful, _worthy_. That he was loved. He knew it was only a dream, and it would start to fade as soon as he woke up, but for just a little while, he would let himself believe it.

The next day, as he patiently cleaned Hongbin’s wounds, the dream came back to him - and with it, a memory that just couldn’t be true. A last glimpse, as he’d sunk deeper into sleep again, of large, warm eyes the colour of night that shone with love for him, eyes framed by black hair and feathers. He flushed, then instantly scolded himself. _Don’t be ridiculous, that’s not possible. It’s just your sick imagination._ His own pathetic loneliness, so desperate for any kind of intimacy that even a captive monster could become fuel for his dreams.

Nevertheless, the feeling persisted, and something in Hongbin’s gaze made Jaehwan skittish and embarrassed and disgusted with himself. And when he finally collapsed into bed late that night, he felt himself cradled and kissed and worshipped, and he abandoned himself to it without a second thought.

The voice in his mind whispered, _Beloved_.

And he answered back, _yes_.

*****

_Now_

When Jaehwan finally surfaced again, there was a moment of utter disorientation. He was lying in bed - but not his bed, not his room. The sheets were scratchy, the mattress under him lumpy. Paper hung in peeling strips from the walls, revealing water stains, and the cracked plaster of the ceiling sagged in one corner. It all seemed faded, impossible to tell what colour anything had once been. On the nightstand beside him was a clay pot which held some kind of plant, its leaves so green and vibrant it was almost shocking against the muted palette of the room. _Where am I?_ He struggled to sit up, half-turning over, and saw Hongbin sitting on edge of the bed, watching, and remembered everything.

With the collar removed, Jaehwan could clearly see the burned skin of the man’s neck; it looked painful, but when he lifted his gaze to Hongbin’s face,he was struck by how much brighter his eyes seemed. The near-constant tightness of his jaw was gone, too. Everything about Hongbin was softer, almost peaceful. He smiled, and Jaehwan found himself returning that smile. ‘You’re still here,’ he said.

Hongbin reached out to brush Jaehwan’s hair back from his forehead, his fingers lingering on his face. ‘Of course,’ he said. ‘I would not leave you, beloved.’ Jaehwan drew in a shaking breath, his eyes welling with tears, and Hongbin frowned. ‘What is wrong?’

‘Nothing,’ said Jaehwan thickly, ‘nothing, I just … I still can’t believe this is real. I thought it was another dream, that you … that all of this … that I was going to wake up and nothing would have changed.’ He took Hongbin’s hand and pressed it to his lips. Soft. Warm. Real. ‘But everything has changed. You rescued me, and you’re _here_ , and … oh! Your wounds, I should clean them, I didn’t get a chance before we ...’

‘It can wait for a little while,’ said Hongbin. ‘I am stronger now. You need to rest.’

Jaehwan shook his head firmly. ‘No, no, it’s okay, I …’ He pushed himself up on his elbows, too fast. The room spun around him, and he fell back. ‘Damn. Maybe you’re right.’ A terrible thought struck him, then. He grabbed for Hongbin’s hand. ‘They’ll come after you,’ he said. ‘You have to keep moving, get as far away as you can. I’d just slow you down, so leave me here, I’ll rest, I’ll be fine, but you …’

Hongbin leaned down, and kissed him on the forehead. ‘I will not leave you,’ he whispered. ‘I cherish you.’ His eyes tightly shut, Jaehwan sobbed. Even hearing that, there was still a worm of doubt, an inner voice that insisted he was nothing, unworthy, and Hongbin seemed to sense that. ‘Let me show you how much I care for you. Will you let me?’

‘Please, I’m not …’ Hongbin disentangled his fingers and splayed them across Jaehwan’s neck, barely touching. Jaehwan felt him draw in a deep, slightly unsteady breath. ‘What are you going to do?’ Warmth bloomed from Hongbin’s fingertips, spreading out to circle his neck.

‘I do not like seeing their mark on you, beloved,’ was all Hongbin said. The heat intensified, just this side of painful, and Jaehwan fought not to squirm as a strange crawling, itching sensation rippled just under the skin. And then it ebbed, leaving only a residual tingle. ‘There.’ Jaehwan opened his eyes to see Hongbin smiling down at him, weariness etched around his eyes. Tentatively, he touched his own neck. The rough abrasions, the sting like a first-degree burn, the bruises were gone.

‘You healed me,’ Jaehwan said wonderingly. ‘You … how ...’ Everyone knew that the monsters were destroyers, too dangerous to roam free, to even live. That people - _humans_ \- were nothing but their prey. It was common knowledge, learned at a mother’s knee and reinforced by everything he’d read or seen growing up. The idea that these creatures, feared since childhood, could be healers, was unthinkable. And yet.

Hongbin stood up, and moved away to stand by the window, slightly hunched over. The long jagged wounds still wept freely, and Jaehwan wondered, _why doesn’t he heal himself?_ ‘It is … not easy for me,’ said Hongbin quietly, ‘and there is a cost. But it is possible.’ He straightened, forced a brisk tone into his voice. ‘You should sleep now.’

‘No, I don’t …’ A huge yawn interrupted him, tiredness settling over his limbs like a heavy blanket. ‘Maybe you’re right.’ His eyelids drooped. ‘Just for a while …’ A flash of panic forced his eyes open. ‘You’ll stay?’

‘Rest, beloved,’ said Hongbin. ‘I will be here.’

Jaehwan sighed, letting his eyes close again. He turned onto his side, and sleep rose up to claim him between one breath and the next. One hand still curled against his neck as though protecting the new, unblemished skin there, but as the lines of stress and exhaustion gradually smoothed out in his face, his muscles relaxed and it slipped down to lie upturned against the sheet.

On the nightstand beside him, the last leaf, withered and brown, dropped from the shrivelled plant, and fell to the floor without a sound.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this second chapter only took five months ... good grief.
> 
> Sorry about that, folks.


End file.
